funny-buzz

Communication Skills

2008-05-03T23:16:00.000-07:00

An airplane takes off from the airport. The Captain is Jewish and the First Officer is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and it's obvious, by the silence, that they don't get along.

After thirty minutes the Jewish Captain mutters: "I don't like Chinese."

The First Officer replies: "Oooooh, no like Chinese? Why dat?"

"Your people bombed Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese."

"Nooooo, noooo, Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah. That Japanese, not Chinese."

"Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese... it doesn't matter, you're all alike."

Another thirty minutes of silence. Finally, the First Officer says: "No like Jew."

"Why not? Why don't you like Jews?"

"Jews sink Titanic."

"The Jews didn't sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg."

"Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg, Spielberg; no mattah... all da same."

See How Life Is In Customer Support !

2008-05-03T23:15:00.000-07:00

This is a conversation between a customer and tech representative over phone.

Cust : I am not able to open microsoft paint in my computer
Tech : Please press windows key + r
Cust : yeah i have got small run command window
Tech : Please type M
Cust : ok
Tech : please type S
Cust : ok
Tech : please type p
Cust : sorry
Tech : p , p on your keyboard
Cust : NO i cant Pee on my key board

PC Repairman

2008-04-12T06:38:00.008-07:00

Best Bus Stop

2008-04-12T06:38:00.007-07:00

Bad Dog !!

2008-04-12T06:38:00.006-07:00

Wooden Bike !!!

2008-04-12T06:38:00.005-07:00

Mc Donald's resume

2008-04-12T06:38:00.004-07:00

This kid will go far!!

This is an actual job application that a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonald's restaurant in Florida, and they hired him because he was honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the firstplace.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

AVAILABLE TO WORK: Of course! That's what I'm applying.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearninghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job, no; on my breaks, yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

Nintendo Superfan

2008-04-12T06:38:00.003-07:00

Better relationship

2008-04-12T06:38:00.002-07:00

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this."

"What's the problem?" the doctor inquired.
Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away."

"My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you."

The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face.

"Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor.

"It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women."

"So, what's your problem?"

"I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."

Thousands of Doritos Washed Up on North Carolina Beach

2008-04-12T06:38:00.001-07:00

Type your summary here.

A cargo container that apparently fell from a ship washed up on the Outer Banks of North Carolina on Thursday and spilled thousands of bags of Doritos brand tortilla chips on the beach. People collected the chips, which were apparently still fresh due to their airtight packaging. It was unknown which ship had lost the cargo or to what port it was bound.

Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series (Episode 5)

2008-04-12T06:38:00.000-07:00

security on the internet

2008-04-09T21:09:00.013-07:00

an arabic story

an old arab lives 40 years in New York. He would love to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is lonely and old and weak. His son studies in Paris. He writes an email to his son about his problem.

'Dear Ahmed, I'm very sad because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I'm sure if you would be here, you could help me to dig my garden.
I love you. Your father'

The day after the old man gets an email.
'Dear father, please don't touch the garden. I've hidden 'the thing' there. I love you too. Ahmed'

4 o'clock in the morning the US Army, the Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the RANGERS come to the house of the old man. They search everywhere, take apart the hole garden, dig every milimeter, but don't find anything. Disappointed they leave.

The day after the old man again gets an email from his son.
I hope your garden is digged by now and you can plant your potatoes. That's all I could do for you. I love you. Ahmed'

A letter to DAD!!!

2008-04-09T21:09:00.011-07:00

A father passing by his teenage
daughter's bedroom

was astonished to see the bed
was nicely made and

everything was neat and

tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped
up prominently

on the centre of the pillow.
It was addressed

"Dad". With the worst premonition,
he

opened the envelope and read
the letter with

trembling hands:-

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow
that I'm writing

you, but I'm leaving home.
I had to elope with my

new boyfriend Randy

because I wanted to avoid a
scene with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion
with Randy and he is

so nice to me. I know when you meet
him you'll like

him too - even with all his
piercing, tattoos, and

motorcycle clothes. But

it's not only the passion Dad,
I'm pregnant and

Randy said that he wants me to
have the kid and

that

we can be very happy together. Even
though Randy is

much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't
so old these

days is it?), and

has no money, really these things shouldn't
stand in

the way of our relationship, don't
you agree?

Randy has a great CD collection; he
already owns a

trailer in the woods and has
a stack of firewood

for the whole winter. It's

true he has other girlfriends as well
but I know he'll

be faithful to me in his own
way. He wants to

have many more children with me and
that's now one

of my dreams too.

Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't
really hurt

anyone and he'll be growing it for
us and we'll trade

it with our

friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy
we want. In

the meantime, we'll pray that
science will find a

cure for AIDS so Randy can get better;
he sure

deserves it!! Don't worry Dad, I'm
15 years old now

and I know how to take care
of myself. Someday I'm

sure we'll be back to visit so you
can get to know

your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter,

Rosie.

At the bottom of the page were the
letters "PTO".

Hands still trembling, her father
turned the sheet,

and read:

PS: Dad, none of the above is true.
I'm over at the

neighbour's house. I just wanted to
remind you that

there are worse

things in life than my report
card that's in my desk

centre drawer. Please sign it
and call when it is

safe for me to come home. I love you!

yummy

2008-04-09T21:09:00.009-07:00

Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series (Episode 4)

2008-04-09T21:09:00.007-07:00

Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series (Episode 3)

2008-04-09T21:09:00.005-07:00

Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series (Episode 2)

2008-04-09T21:09:00.003-07:00

Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series (Episode 1)

2008-04-09T21:09:00.001-07:00

Wedding vows

2008-04-08T11:26:00.027-07:00

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:
"Look, I''ll give you $100 if you''ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I''m supposed to promise to ''love, honor and obey'' and ''be faithful to her forever,'' I''d appreciate it if you''d just leave that out."

He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom''s vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said:

"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: "I thought we had a deal."

The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom''s hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."

Pregnancy Test

2008-04-08T11:26:00.025-07:00

A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work just jumping for joy. He didn't know why she was jumping for joy but thought, what the heck, and started jumping up and down with her.

She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"

He said, "Great, tell me what you're so happy about!"

She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told him that she was pregnant!

He kissed her and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"

Then, she said, "Oh, honey, there's more!"

He asked, "What do you mean, 'more?'"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew.

She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the TWIN PACK home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!!"

peace on you

2008-04-08T11:26:00.023-07:00

Peace on You

(Must be read with and Italian accent) One day ima gonna Malta to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna piss onna my plate.
She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bi tch. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bi tch. Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tell her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bi tch. So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shi ts onna my bed. Call the manager and tella him I wanna shi t. He tell me to go to toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna shi t on my bed. He say you better not shi t onna bed, you sonna ma bi tch. I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: "Peace on you". I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bi tch, I gonna back to Italy.

Kids in school think quick

2008-04-08T11:26:00.021-07:00

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS : Maria!

TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!
__________________________________________________ _________

TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
__________________________________________________ _________

TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!
__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE : I is...
TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father
didn't punish him?"
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
__________________________________________________ _________
TEACHER : Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!;
__________________________________________________ ________
TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : ( A teacher )

If Bill Gates Start Making Films In Bollywood

2008-04-08T11:26:00.019-07:00

If Bill Gates Start Making Films In Bollywood, Names Of His Would Be Films

Hang To Hona Hi Tha !!!!!!!!!!!!
Meri Disc Tumhare Paas Hai
Aao Chat Kare

Programmer No.1
Mera Naam Developer
Java Wale Job Le Jayenge
Hum Apke Memory Mein Rehte Hein
Do Processor Baarah Terminal
Tera Code Chal Gaya
Har Din Jo Mail Karega
Network Ke Us Paar
Debugging Koi Khel Nahi
Jish Desh Mein Bill Gates Rehta Hai
Raju Ban Gaya MCSE .!
Client Ek Numbari Programmer Dus Numbari
Login Karo Sajana
Naukar PC Ka
1942 -- A Bug Story
Kaho Na Virus Hai
Crash Se Crash Tak
Haan Maine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai
Password De Ke Dekho
Terminal Apna Login Parayi

Ronaldinho - Magical Goal against Villareal 25.11.2006

2008-04-08T11:26:00.017-07:00

Blonde In School

2008-04-08T11:26:00.015-07:00

Day1:
A blonde comes home from school and says to her mum,"We learned how to count up to 5 today mummy. I got up to 10. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "yes dear"

Day 2:
"We learned how to do the alphabet today mummy. The others only got up to E and I got up to S. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "yes dear"

Day 3:
"We learned about breasts today mummy. All the other girls are flat chested and I'm a 36DD. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "No dear, it's because your 25.

Why Chocolate is better than Sex

2008-04-08T11:26:00.013-07:00

1. You can GET chocolate.

2. "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.

3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.

4. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.

5. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.

6. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.

7. If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.

8. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.

9. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.

10. You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your work mates.

11. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.

12. You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.

13. With chocolate there's no need to fake it.

14. Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.

15. You can have chocolate at any time of the month.

16. Good chocolate is easy to find.

17. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.

18. You are never too young or too old for chocolate.

19. When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.

20. With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always good

Funny Ads

2008-04-08T11:26:00.011-07:00

Why Studying Is Better Than Sex

2008-04-08T11:26:00.009-07:00

10. You can usually find someone to do it with.
9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left off.
8. You can finish early without feelings of guilt or shame.
7. When you open a book, you don’t have to worry about who else has opened it.
6. A little coffee and you can do it all night.

5. If you don’t finish a chapter you won’t gain a reputation as a “book teaser.”
4. You can do it, eat and watch T.V. all at the same time.
3. You don’t get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle.
2. You don’t have to put your beer down to do it.
1. If you aren’t sure what you’re doing, you can always ask your roommate for help.

So what you all want to do. STUDY OR .......

Nice Car

2008-04-08T11:26:00.007-07:00

The 5 secrets of a pefect relationship

2008-04-08T11:26:00.005-07:00

THE FIVE SECRETS OF A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who cares you always and whom u like to be with, when u r alone

Anal Sex

2008-04-08T11:26:00.003-07:00

A Girls First Time 18+

2008-04-08T11:26:00.001-07:00

A Girls First Time

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty!

Excuse me, What were you thinkin'?

Great View !!!

2008-04-07T21:15:00.024-07:00

Exit Only !!!

2008-04-07T21:15:00.023-07:00

Type your summary here.

Type the rest of your post here.

Hot Jensssss...!!!

2008-04-07T21:15:00.022-07:00

Talking Parrot

2008-04-07T21:15:00.021-07:00

Hillary Clinton went into a pet shop and found a beautiful parrot.

"Does this parrot talk?" she asked.

"Yes, he does," the manager told her.

"But why is this one only $50 and all the others are $500?", she asked.

"Well, ma'am," the manager told her, "not everyone would want to own this parrot. He spent many years in a whore house and his language is terrible."

"Well, I want him anyway," she said.

"Suit yourself," the manager shrugged.

When she got the parrot back to the White House, she uncovered his cage and admired the colorful bird.

The parrot tilted his head to one side, looked her straight in the eye and said, "New house, new madam."

Hillary laughed.

Soon Chelsea and a friend came in and began admiring the bird.

"New house, new whores," the parrot observed.

At first they were offended, but when Hillary explained about the bird's history, they too, laughed at him. After a while the President entered the living quarters.

The parrot said, "Hi Bill."

Stupid funny goals

2008-04-07T21:15:00.020-07:00

Realty Check

2008-04-07T21:15:00.019-07:00

A 90-year-old man was having his annual checkups. The doctor asked him how he a was feeling.

"I've never been better," the old man replied." I'vegot a twenty-year-old bride who's pregnant & is about to deliver a child. What is your opinion about that,Doc?" the old man asked.

The doctor thought for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who is a hunter. He never misses a season for hunting. But, one day he'sin a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun”. The doctor continued, "So he's walking in the woods near a creek, and suddenly he spots a lion in some bush in front of him. He rises up his umbrella, point sit at the lion and squeezes the handle. BAM! The lion drops dead in front of him."

“That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief. Someone else must have shot that lion."

"Exactly" Said the Doc...

Mama's Bible

2008-04-07T21:15:00.001-07:00

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered.

Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They
discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.

The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house

The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."

The fourth said, "You know how Mamma loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mamma just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed.

After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote:

"Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks"

"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and
I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."

Mama

Lost Ball

2008-04-07T10:59:00.002-07:00

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.

We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball........stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake.

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife,
"Hey, this looks like yours!"

Importance of a word

2008-04-07T10:59:00.001-07:00

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."

"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.

"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done," replies Steve.

"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor. "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"

"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind--either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."

"Well, OK," says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"

So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading toward him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.

"Hi there," says Steve, "looks as if you've just had the same operation as me." "Well," says the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised." Steve stares at him in horror and screams, "~love~! THAT'S the word!"

Wrong Thing

2008-04-07T10:58:00.001-07:00

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London.

The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier didn't say anything else. He leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road.

And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong b!tch out of the window."

20 years

2008-04-07T10:57:00.000-07:00

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee. "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. "Yes, I do," she replies.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car ?" "Yes, I remember," says the wife. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for twenty years!" "I remember that, too," she replies softly. The husband wipes another tear from his cheek... "I'm a freeman now!"

Little 'Kids'

2008-04-07T10:56:00.000-07:00

Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage." Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely." Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny." Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance.. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine."

By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?" Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far..."

Importance of a name

2008-04-07T10:54:00.000-07:00

Peter decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Peter's station wagon and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night.

"I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Not to worry," Peter said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn."

Nine months later, Peter got a letter from the widow's attorney. He then went up to visit his friend Bob and said, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?"

"Yes, I do."

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and have sex with her?"

"Yes, I have to admit that I did."

"Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, I'm afraid I did."

"Well, thanks! She just died and left me everything!"

A Short Love Story

2008-04-07T10:52:00.000-07:00

A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to other people,
found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room,they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.....

He in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke
the woman saying,'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach
into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm
awfully cold.'
I have a better idea,' she replied . 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married.''Wow! That's a great idea!' he exclaimed.

'Good,' she replied. 'Get your own f#%kin blanket.'

After a moment of silence, he farted.

Girlfriend of Spiderman

2008-04-07T10:49:00.000-07:00

Girlfriend of Spiderman

How To Kiss Someone Passionately

2008-04-06T23:58:00.017-07:00

I AM COMMING!

2008-04-06T23:58:00.015-07:00

A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear.

So, the guy on the third floor tries to use signs. He points to his eye, meaning, "I", then at his knee, meaning, "need", then he moves his hand back and forth, meaning, "handsaw".

The man on the first floor nods, then drops his pants and begins to masturbate.

The man on the third floor freaks out and runs down to the first floor yelling, ''What the hell is wrong with you!?! Are you stupid or something? I was saying that I needed a handsaw!''

The laborer looks at the carpenter and says, ''I knew that. I was just trying to tell you that I was coming.''

Best Friend

2008-04-06T23:58:00.013-07:00

Banta is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey.

Santa happens to come into the bar and sees him.

"Banta," says the shocked Santa, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?"

Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, Banta replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend."

He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp.

"But," says Santa man, "I'm your best friend!"

Banta turns to Santa, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, "Not anymore! He is!"

The New Wife

2008-04-06T23:58:00.011-07:00

The new wife was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner. As expected she gave a speech:

"My dear family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family", she said "Firstly, my being here does not mean that I would want to change your way of life, your routine. No, I will never do that, never in a million years".

"What do you mean my child?" Asked the father in law.

"What I mean dad is (looking at her father in law):

Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them.

Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.

Those who cooked shouldn't stop at my account, and those who used to Clean should continue cleaning".

"Then what are you here for?" Asked the mother in law.

"As for me, my job is to entertain your son!"

Rolling Rock Beer Ape commercial

2008-04-06T23:58:00.009-07:00

Hair in Spaghetti

2008-04-06T23:58:00.007-07:00

This guy walks into a restaurant and orders spaghetti. He is served and after all of it is nearly gone he finds a hair in it. He calls the waiter over and says, "Do you see this damn hair? I ain't paying for this dirty ass meal!" and walks out.
The waiter watches him, and the guy goes into a whorehouse. The waiter waits about ten minutes and bursts through the door and the guy has go this face buried in pussy.

The waiter says, "You eat pussy and complain about one lousy little hair you found in the spaghetti?" The man replies, "Yes, and if I find any spaghetti in her pussy, I sure as hell ain't paying for it either!"

Diary of a Mad Viagra Housewife

2008-04-06T23:58:00.005-07:00

Dear Diary:

DAY 1: Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to reenact our wedding night, HE locked himself in the bathroom and cried.

DAY 2: Today he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something I DON'T know! I mean, gimme a break. He's been dysfunctional for so long, he even WALKS with a limp.

DAY 3: This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a picture of the Washington Monument and burst into tears.

DAY 4: A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fix his 'problem.' It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra, things would be just like they were on our wedding night. He said, "This time, I'd rather not have your mother join us." (I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something there than his mood.)

DAY 7: This Viagra thing has gone to his head. (No pun intended.) Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. GET OVER YOURSELF! Not everything is about you!

DAY 8: I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed wacker.

DAY 10: Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with Hard Cider! The photo of Janet Reno isn't working. What am I gonna do?

DAY 11: The side effects are starting to get to him. Everything is turning blue. The other day, we were watching Kenneth Branaugh in Hamlet and he thought it was The Smurfs Do Denmark.

DAY 12: I'm basically being drilled to death. It's like going out with Black and Decker.

DAY 13: I wish he was gay. I bought 400 Liza Minelli albums and I keep saying "fabulous" and still he keeps coming after me!

DAY 14: Now I know how Saddam Hussein's wife feels. Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile. Let's hope he's like President Bush and pulls out in 100 days.

DAY 15: I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started dressing like a nun. Now he tells me Sister Wendy revs his motor.

DAY 16: I may just have to kill him. Then he'll go out the way he wants to: stiff. With my luck, I won't be able to close the casket.

The two naked bike riders

2008-04-06T23:58:00.003-07:00

Send someone over quickly! The old woman screamed into the
phone. "Two naked bikers are climbing up toward my bedroom
window!"

"This is the Fire Department, lady," the voice replied. "I'll
have to transfer you to the Police Department."

"No, it's YOU I want!" she yelled. "They need a longer ladder!"

Six Inches from the Ground

2008-04-06T23:58:00.001-07:00

A small balding man stormed into a local bar and demanded, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got! I'm so pissed I can't even see straight!" The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a DOUBLE.

The man swilled down the drink and demanded, "Gimme another ONE!"

The bartender pours the drink, but said, "Now, before I give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me WHY you're so upset?"

So the man begins his tale: "Well, I am a salesman for this fancy goose pillows. I got an order and took several samples to an apartment in this neighborhood. I knock on the door and this woman opens the door. Now, the lady cann't make up her mind, so she asks me to take the samples to the bedroom and check them there. As I get into the bedroom I hear some keys jingling, and SOMEONE starts fumbling with the door."

"Well, the woman says, 'Oh my god, it's my BOYFRIEND. He must have lost his
WRESTLING match today, he's gonna be REAL MAD! He won't belive that you are
just a salesman. Quick, HIDE!'

"So, I opened at the CLOSET, but I figured that was probably the FIRST place
he would look, so I didn't hide there. Then I looked under the bed, but no,
I figured he's bound to look there, too. By now I could hear the key in the
lock. I noticed the window was open, so I climbed out and was hanging there
by my FINGERS praying that the guy WOULDN'T see me."

The bartender says "Well I can see how you might be a BIT FRUSTRATED at this
point."

"Well, yeah, but I hear the guy finally get the door open and he yells out,
'Tell me, who you been seeing now?'"

"The girl said, 'Nobody, honey, now have a glass of water and calm down.'
Well the guy starts TEARING up the room. I hear him tear the door off the
closet and throw it across
the room. I'm thinking, 'Boy, I'm glad I didn't hide in there.' Then I hear
him lift up the bed and throw it across the room. Good thing I didn't hide
under there either."

"Then I heard him say, 'What's that over there by the WINDOW?' I think 'Oh
boy, I'm dead meat now'. But the woman by now is trying real hard to
distract him and convince him to stop looking."

"Well, I hear the guy go into the bathroom, and I hear water running for a
long time, and I figure maybe he's gonna take a bath or something, when all
of a sudden the guy pours a pitcher of scalding HOT WATER out of the window
right on top of my head! I mean look at this, I got second degree burns all
over my scalp and shoulders!"

The bartender said, "Oh man, that would have pissed me off for SURE."

"No," the customer replied, "that didn't really BOTHER me. Next the guy
starts slamming the window shut over and over on my hands. I mean, look at
my fingers. They're a bloody mess, I can hardly hold onto this glass."

The bartender looks at the guy's hands and agreed, "Yeah, buddy, I can
understand why you are so UPSET."

"No, that WASN'T what really pissed me off."

The bartender then asked in exasperation, "Well, then, what DID finally piss
you off?"

"Well I was hanging there for hours, and I turned around and looked down,
and I WAS ONLY ABOUT 6 INCHES OFF THE GROUND!"

Sweet Friend

2008-04-06T20:33:00.009-07:00

Appropriate Dress

2008-04-06T20:33:00.008-07:00

A man, called in for an audit at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let them think you are a pauper."

Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."

Confused, the man then went to his priest, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some advice.

"Let me tell you a story," replied the priest. "A woman, about to get married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a long, flannel nightgown that goes up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear your sexiest negligee."

The man protested, "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?"

"No matter what you wear, you're going to get screwed."

Men & Women

2008-04-06T20:33:00.007-07:00

Men:

1. All men are extremely busy.

2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.

3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.

4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one
Around.

5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their
Luck with others.

6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off
If the women leaves them.

7. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their
Mistakes and still try their luck with others.

Women:

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.

2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive
Clothes.

3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something
To wear.

4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress
Beautifully.

5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just
"An old rag".

6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still
Expect you to compliment them.

7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't
Believe you

Cannibals

2008-04-06T20:33:00.006-07:00

cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...

Broiled Missionary: $ 10.00 Fried Explorer: $ 15.00 Baked Politician: $ 100.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a price difference for the politician?"

The waiter replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one?"

Funny Quotes

2008-04-06T20:33:00.005-07:00

"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.' "
--Richard Jeni

"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait." --A. Whitney Brown

"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?" --Warren Hutcherson

"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her." --Ellen DeGeneres

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner." --Lynda Montgomery

"What do people mean when they say the computer went down on me?" --Marilyn Pittman

"Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?" --Lily Tomlin

"Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end." --Jerry Seinfeld

"Smoking kills. And if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
-- Anti-smoker Brooke Shields

"The president has kept all of the promises he intended to keep."-- Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on "Larry King Live"

"The police are not here to create disorder. They're here to preserve disorder."
-- Former Chicago mayor Daley during the infamous 1968 convention

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."-- Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery

"The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people that make them unsafe."
-- Former Philadelphia Mayor and Police Chief Frank Rizzo

"It is bad luck to be superstitious."-- Andrew Mathis

"It's like an alcatraz around my neck."-- Boston mayor Menino on the shortage of city parking spaces

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. we are the president."-- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents

"China is a big country, inhabited by many chinese."-- Former French President Charles de Gaulle

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and i'm just the one to do it."-- A congressional candidate in Texas

"A billion here, a billion there--sooner or later it adds up to real money."-- Everett Dirksen

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."-- Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark

"If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet."-- Former British foreign minister Ernest Bevin

Drinking Buddies

2008-04-06T20:33:00.004-07:00

There once were two Irishmen, named Shawn and Pat, who were the best of friends. During one particular night of revelry, the two agreed that when one passed on, the other would take and spill the contents of a bottle of fine, Irish whiskey over the grave of the fondly missed and recently dead friend.

And as fate would have it, Shawn would be the first to pass.

Pat, hearing of his friend's illness, came to visit his dear friend one last time.

“Shawn,” said Pat, “can you hear me?”

Faintly, Shawn replied, “Yes, Paddy, I can.”

Bashfully, Pat started, “Do you remember our pact, Shawn?”

”Yes, I do Patty,” Shawn strained.

“And, you'll also remember that I was to pour the contents of a fine, old bottle of whiskey over your grave, which we have been saving for, going on 30 years now?” said Pat.

“Yes Patty, I do,” whispered Shawn.

''It's a very ‘old’ bottle now, you know,” urged Pat.

“And what are you gettin' at Pat?” asked Shawn, briskly.

“Well Shawn, when I pour the whiskey over your grave, would ya mind if I filter it through my kidneys first?”

Great Dentist

2008-04-06T20:33:00.003-07:00

A guy and a girl met at a bar. They're getting along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and washes his hands. He then takes off his pants and washes his hands.

So the girl looks at him and says: "You must be a dentist!"

The guy all surprised says "Yes, how did you figure that out ?'

The girl says: "Easy you keep washing your hands"

One thing led to another. They make love and after they were done, the girl says: "You must be a GREAT dentist!"

The guy was very surprised, he says: "Yes, I sure am a great dentist how did you figure that out??'

The girl says: "Easy I didn't feel a thing."

Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series (Episode 2)

2008-04-06T20:33:00.002-07:00

Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series (Episode 1)

2008-04-06T20:33:00.001-07:00

Blond Jokes

2008-04-06T20:33:00.000-07:00

There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field. She was in a boat rowing, with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing?

It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!”
____________________________________________________________________

A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle. She rubs it and, you guessed it, a genie appears.

The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much."

The woman says, "Okay. Give me a nice house."

The genie replies, "You now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world have two."

The the lady says, "Give me a gorgeous man."

The genie replies, "You now have one gorgeous man, while all the blondes have two."

The lady says, "For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it."
_________________________________________________________________

Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those must be deer tracks!"

The second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!"

The third blondie said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!"

They where still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them

Crazy Dancing Girl

2008-04-06T08:14:00.013-07:00

Crazy Dancing Girl

Mathematics tricks

2008-04-06T08:14:00.012-07:00

bullfrogs and blowjobs

2008-04-06T08:14:00.011-07:00

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.

"Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blowjobs!"

"Blowjobs!" the woman replied.

"It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said.

The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...no more blowjobs for her! She bought the frog.

When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off. The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.

In the middle of the night, she was a wakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.

"What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked.

The husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is gone."

Nunchucks, Dangerous Martial Arts Weapon

2008-04-06T08:14:00.010-07:00

Marriage to a Wealthy Arab

2008-04-06T08:14:00.009-07:00

On a trip to the USA, a wealthy Arab fell in love with Susan. He begged her to marry him, but she refused, saying that she had no intention of leaving America to live in a desert.

Immediately, the Arab bought several grand homes across the USA, from New England to California, and he took Susan on a tour of the homes, flying her from place to place in his private jet.

Susan was impressed, and she agreed to marry him.

Six weeks later, in tears, she phoned her father and asked him to take her back home.

"Whatever for?" asked her father.

"I've married a pervert," she cried.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I don't want to talk about it," she said. "Just come and take me home."

So her father drove to her New England home. Arriving there, richly ornate gold gates opened electronically, and he drove along a wide, straight drive lined with oaks and maples. And at the end of the mile-long drive was a building so grand that it made the White House look like a dog kennel.

He climbed the solid marble steps to huge doors, at least twelve feet tall, and there he met his daughter, waiting for him with her two bags packed and ready to go.

"Oh, father," she cried. "Take me away from here at once. I cannot bear to stay a moment longer."

Her father could not believe that she should want to leave such splendour.

"What's wrong, dear?" he asked.

"The man is a pervert!" she exclaimed.

He asked his daughter to explain this perversion that was upsetting her so.

"When I married him," she sobbed, my ( removed word ) was as tight as a penny piece, and now, it's as big as a half dollar."

"Nay," said her father. "Surely you're not go to leave all this for the sake of forty-nine cents!"

Natural Tattua

2008-04-06T08:14:00.008-07:00

Damn Jar

2008-04-06T08:14:00.007-07:00

A 75 year old man went to his doctor's office for a sperm count test. The doctor gave the man a jar, told him to take it home and return the next day with a sample
The next day, the 75 year old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave the doctor the jar, which was as clean and empty as on previous day. The doctor asked what happened.

"Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then with my left... still nothing. Then, I asked my wife for help. She tried her right hand... but nothing. Then her left... still nothing. She even tried with her month, both with and without her teeth... and still nothing. We even called the lady next door and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked. "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the damn jar open!"

[FRANTZ-STUNT-MOTO] StuntDay Oct2003 by Bike-Fever

2008-04-06T08:14:00.006-07:00


Stunt moto en région Parisienne avec les stunt-riders, Bike-fever. Vidéo montée par Bike-Fever

wheelie team brabant (scooter stunt team)

2008-04-06T08:14:00.005-07:00


kijk en huiver

Motor Bike accident

2008-04-06T08:14:00.004-07:00


Stunt gone a bit wrong!

Circle Cow 2006 Version MotorBike

2008-04-06T08:14:00.003-07:00


Compilation By LoadSas // Restam Bew // Sas Power + Stunt Bike Show 2006. Le Mans Moto 2006. Rouen Tuning Show 2006 (RTS 2006). Quai Grand couronne... Avec les PsykoRiders #76 Le Crew Brestunt Deuz, Capon Team, michael pfeiffer ...

Old School Stuntriding and practing from IMV Films

2008-04-06T08:14:00.002-07:00

This films was editied in under 1 hour for some close friends of IMV Films. Now that its out for the public, come and admire the kind of balls it takes to pull this stuff off.

Also look under Street Racing Supras Nissan Mitsubishi Subaru Impreza All Wheel Drive Rally STI Eagle Talon Dodge Viper Gumball 3000 Vehicular Lunatics IMV Films Moab like nothing else Tekademics Mischief Destroy Drifting D1 Sanctioned 240sx 300zx 280zx Turbo Toyota MR2 Ford Mustang Focus GT40 Chevy Ferrari 360 Modena Porshe GT3 GT2 Carrera GT Illegal Racing Cops Drag Money Fast and Furious Boost motocycle stunting riding Wheelie stoppie busted Suzuki Yamaha dirt bike high horse power HP WHP 600+ hp Titan Motorsports John Sheperd Imports Ferrari 550LM, Porsche 911 Turbo, Range Rover, Lamborghini Murcielago, Hummer H2 Stretched, Rolls Royce Phantom, Datsun 350Z 240z, Bentley Continental GT, VW Golf GTI, Range Rover Overfinch, Aston Martin DB9, Ferrari Enzo, Mercedes AMG CLK DTM, Jaguar E Type, Dodge Ram, BMW 330d Sport, Ford F150 SVT Lightning, Subaru Impreza, Mitsubishi Lancer Evo 5th gear top gear and many more

Stoppie-Jason Britton

2008-04-06T08:14:00.001-07:00


Rollin Stoppie by Jason Britton at the Gap...

Ghost rider stunts

2008-04-06T08:14:00.000-07:00


des chute pendant des weehling,stopie etc ...

Jimmy the Aboriginal ...

2008-04-05T11:19:00.009-07:00

A very rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours.

He also invited Jimmy, the only aboriginal in the neighbourhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns and oysters at the BBQ and flirting.

At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a 15ft man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in."

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Jimmy in the pool!

Jimmy was fighting the croc and kicking its ass!

Jimmy was jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of sh!t, like head butts and chokeholds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the croc through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Jimmy and the croc were screaming and raising hell.

Finally Jimmy strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a K-mart goldfish.

Jimmy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, "Well, Jimmy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars." "Nah, you all right, I don't want it," said Jimmy.
The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet."

"How about half a million bucks then?"

"No thanks. I don't want it," answered Jimmy.

The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?"

Again Jimmy said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, "Well Jimmy, then what do you want?"

and Jimmy said,
"I want the name of the c*#t who pushed me in the Pool.

Police Shortage

2008-04-05T11:19:00.008-07:00

A man looks out one night into his shop and sees four guys breaking into it.

He calls 911 and the dispatcher says "Just stay inside we’ll be there in a bit. We are really shorthanded right now it could take a few minutes."

The man waits for a few seconds and phones 911 again and says "Take your time I just shot all four dead." Within minutes three cop cars pull up and a ambulance, the cops catch the thieves in the act.

The cop says "I thought you said you shot them?"

The man replies "I thought you said you were shorthanded."

Funny Prank

2008-04-05T11:19:00.007-07:00


Dudes messing with their buddy.

Drinking Buddies

2008-04-05T11:19:00.006-07:00

There once were two Irishmen, named Shawn and Pat, who were the best of friends. During one particular night of revelry, the two agreed that when one passed on, the other would take and spill the contents of a bottle of fine, Irish whiskey over the grave of the fondly missed and recently dead friend.
And as fate would have it, Shawn would be the first to pass.

Pat, hearing of his friend's illness, came to visit his dear friend one last time.

“Shawn,” said Pat, “can you hear me?”

Faintly, Shawn replied, “Yes, Paddy, I can.”

Bashfully, Pat started, “Do you remember our pact, Shawn?”

”Yes, I do Patty,” Shawn strained.

“And, you'll also remember that I was to pour the contents of a fine, old bottle of whiskey over your grave, which we have been saving for, going on 30 years now?” said Pat.

“Yes Patty, I do,” whispered Shawn.

''It's a very ‘old’ bottle now, you know,” urged Pat.

“And what are you gettin' at Pat?” asked Shawn, briskly.

“Well Shawn, when I pour the whiskey over your grave, would ya mind if I filter it through my kidneys first?”

Smart Father

2008-04-05T11:19:00.005-07:00

An old man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to
ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are
divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about," the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man said.
"We're sick and tired of each other, and I'm sick of talking about
this,
so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her." And he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like
heck they're getting a divorce," she shouts. "I'll take care of this."

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT

getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm
calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then
don't do a

thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and she hangs up.

The old man hangs up the phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says,

"They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way!

lucky man

2008-04-05T11:19:00.004-07:00

Farting Dog

2008-04-05T11:19:00.003-07:00

A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time for dinner. After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the
father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the boy's chair. Unfortunately, it was a large dinner and he really had to fart. He stealthily let out a quiet, but audible, fart.

"Duke!" the dad yelled.

"This is great!" the boy thought. "He thinks the dog is farting!" So he let out another one.

"Duke!" the father barked. The boy thought he was homefree so he let everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart.

"Duke! Get out of there before the boy sh*ts on you!"

the cats

2008-04-05T11:19:00.002-07:00

wife knows evrything

2008-04-05T11:19:00.001-07:00

the tuth : "Why we love turkeys"

2008-04-05T11:19:00.000-07:00

P C !!!

2008-04-04T20:39:00.019-07:00

Here Comes Santa

2008-04-04T20:39:00.017-07:00

Zambian Roulette

2008-04-04T20:39:00.015-07:00

As usual, things were not going well at the United Nations. Thus, many visiting ambassadors had to room together. It just so happend that Vladimir, the Russian Ambassador, and Umballa, the Zambian Ambassador, were sharing a suite.
To pass the time, Vladimir introduced his fellow dignitary to the Russian game of roulette. He produced an antique Soviet revolver, and a single bullet. It took a while,
but he was finally able to explain the gist of the game to Umballa. Intrigued and excited, Umballa loved the game. By the time the U.N. meeting was over, the two had become fast friends.
As they parted company at the airport, Umballa told Vladimir, ''One day, you must visit my country, and try our version of your roulette.''
A year later, Vladimir was in Zambia, and looked up his old friend. Umballa remembered him, and welcomed him with open arms.
Vladimir: ''I have come, my comrade, to try your game.''
Umballa: ''Very well. Come with me.''
Umballa took his friend before six, buck-naked bush women.
Umballa: ''Pick one. Any one. And she will give you a blowjob.''
Vladimir: ''But my friend, where is the danger in this?''
Umballa replied with a toothy smile, ''One of them is a cannibal.''

Juz for laughs...

2008-04-04T20:39:00.013-07:00

1. From the moment I saw you, I wanted to be inside you, I love your smell, the way your tongue feels, the way you tighten and loosen mmmmmmmmmmmmm………

NEW SHOES!!!!!!

2. He came to me one night... explored my body... licked,sucked,swallowed & had his fill... wasn't satisfied he left...I was hurt.....

DAMN MOSQUITO!

3. I love the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh creating a creamy foamy liquid, as it thrust in & out up & down, can't wait till next time

I LOVE MY TOOTHBRUSH~

4. Last night i could not sleep.i wanted you warm against my skin.i wanted you on me.i wanted to feel you all over my body.. but i could not find u!

Where did i put my PYJAMAS?

5.Come here.Take off ur pants and get on top of me....enjoy me until you are totally satisfied

Lovingly yours,
TOILET

Beavis and Butthead

2008-04-04T20:39:00.011-07:00

Catching a Ride

2008-04-04T20:39:00.009-07:00

Girl Pwn

2008-04-04T20:39:00.007-07:00


It's really hard to spin getting wrestled to the ground and pinned by a girl when you're a healthy young guy. I guess you could always try the excuse that she's hot, and you wanted her in that position for a reason.

How Stupid is This?

2008-04-04T20:39:00.005-07:00

Lil Jhonny's "Bookish" behavior

2008-04-04T20:39:00.003-07:00

Lil Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling.

She explained, "I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today."

The first student raised her hand to volunteer.

"Marcy," the teacher said. "You may go first."

Marcy replied, "My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny."

The teacher said, "Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next?"

Kevin stood up and announced, "My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie."

"Very good," the teacher told Kevin.

Jeff was next, and he said, "My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no..."

Before he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again.

Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher. The teacher called on little Johnny to go next.

Johnny said, "My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able to spell "accountant."

Brad Pitt

2008-04-04T20:39:00.001-07:00